I am sure we have all heard of or read O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi at some time in our lives.  It is the story of a young couple who sacrifice to give to each other.  I think a lot of families relate more and more to this story.  The opulence we Americans used to enjoy is fading and many of us are making hard decisions around the holidays.  But this time of sacrifice can also be a time to truly give.  I am sure any parent can relate to their favorite present from their child not being a lavish expensive store bought item.  But that it was a work of love covered in colored macaroni noodles and glitter.  One of the best gifts I received last year was homemade bread from my niece who is an aspiring baker.  She made a basket specific for each family member and I was touched that she gave me more fruit and homemade apple butter instead of two loaves of bread because of my desire to eat less gluten.  It was her caring thought that meant more to me than any other present that year.

So how are you giving this year?

Did you spend all of your holiday dollars on Black Friday or Cyber Monday?  Or did you perhaps join in the second annual American Express sponsored Small Business Saturday and patronize your locally owned stores?  Why not grab a gift card from your favorite local pancake house, greasy spoon, or special occasion restaurant?  Or could “I love you” be said through a haircut, oil change, lawn mowing, snow removal, house cleaning, or dog walking gift certificate?

Or are you showing your love by making a donation to a worthy cause in the name of someone you care about?

How about opting out spending cash this year by making gifts instead of buying them?  If you can’t make them yourself, how about attending a craft fair and supporting local artisans?

Does giving mean time instead of money this year?  Time to visit an ill relative, helping out at a shelter, or just being together with your family and friends.  Are you thinking of sharing experiences instead of giving things?  Remember when putting up the tree was not a nagging to-do, but a family experience?  Could decorating for the holidays be a time to share, laugh, and gather instead of a time to stress and max our credit cards?

How are you going to rethink giving this year?

At least once a week I receive an invitation to connect with someone on Linked In who I have not met before.  Being an open-networker, I promptly respond to the person asking for a face to face or virtual meeting so we can get to know each other, understand how to refer one another and determine if there are other ways we can help grow our businesses.  As this other person initially contacted me, I would expect a courteous and prompt response to schedule a meeting.  Unfortunately that is only true about twenty-five percent of the time.  The rest of the time I do not hear from these individuals at all.  To me this is a lack of business etiquette and a lost opportunity.

Why do we connect with others?  Usually it is to gain referrals, find resources and receive new business.  How can any of this be accomplished if all one is doing is clicking the “link” button.  How do I know who to refer you to?  How do I know which articles and resources to share with you?  How could I feel confident enough to refer business?

In this fast-paced electronic age, it is so easy to click a button and believe we are serving our business then frantically moving on to the next task.  I completely understand how busy we all are but we are not serving ourselves professionally or personally by speeding through our relationships.  As a life coach, one of my mantras is telling people to slow down.  When we speed up and focus on the future to-do’s we often miss the present moment.  One of the things we miss when we are focused on the every growing heap of tasks is building the relationships we desire personally and professionally.  These relationships mean more than any single task or accomplishment.  Don’t let the ease of electronics fool you into thinking you are making real connections.

And watch in amazement when you do make real connections.  The other day I received an invitation to connect.  Not knowing the person, I asked for a meeting.  I received an immediate response.  The other person was floored.  He had not been asked to meet before connecting and was excited to meet me.  In preparing for our call, I checked out his profile.  He is a publisher and a terrific resource for me as I complete my first book.  After speaking to him, it is clear he is a wonderful man as well and I am now ever-vigilant in searching out opportunities and connections which may benefit him as well.  Another positive story about real connections is about a woman who connected with me last January.  We had not spoken since then but as she is moving into a new career she reached out again because I had some resources and information she could use.  I was happy to help and she was also willing to speak to another connection of mine whom she may be able to provide guidance.  It is all about giving and receiving.  In order to do either, it is important to make real connections.

How many Linked In contacts do you have?  When is the last time you reached out to them?  Why not find someone you haven’t heard from in a while and drop them a line?  Or why not reach out to someone you can help or who could potentially assist you and see if you can begin a true strong connection?

I love Ted.  No that is not the name of my husband or pet.  In 1984 TED conferences were created to have the best of the best speak about Technology, Entertainment and Design.  But is has grown to so much more and is truly ideas worth spreading.  A friend sent me a link to TED the other day for Marco Tempest’s presentation about The Magic of Truth and Lies (and iPods).  It is surely worth the view if you have five minutes to spare.  But as often happens, once I finish one TED segment, I can’t help to launch into another.  This time the one that caught my eye was Graham Hill’s Less Stuff, More Happiness.  His talk reminded me of my college years and the trips to and from Peoria and then to and from Los Angeles where I lugged and shipped boxes upon boxes of books, a bicycle and goodness knows what else back and forth and back and forth again at great expense and inconvenience with the irony that I don’t know if I ever used more than ten percent of the stuff I moved around.  But what really resonated with me is the idea of downsizing, especially now that my husband and I are dreaming of moving from our twelve-hundred square foot home onto a twenty-seven foot boat.

Don’t get me wrong, I love our house.  We have spent the last eight or so years fixing it up, repairing it and making it truly ours.  Plus we have more remodeling planned for this winter.  But sometimes it feels like so much extra, so much padding, so much just surrounding and not interacting with us.  For instance, our garage attic is filled with boxes from our move years ago which we have never opened!  What is in there?  If we haven’t missed is by now, do we really need to keep it?  There are also rooms in our house which are used infrequently if ever.  Graham mentions that over the last fifty years our homes have tripled in size and we have needed to add outside storage to keep all our stuff, but it has only resulted in credit card debt, excessive environmental footprints and having our happiness flatline over those same years.  Sorry “Keeping up with the Jones’” more stuff does not equal more happiness.

There are so many physical items we keep around us because we believe they are part of us, they are part of our history or they define who we are.  We use them to surround ourselves with comfort and insulate us from harm.  But even if we are not eligible for the next episode of Hoarders, we may have some extraneous items clogging our lives.  Yet getting rid of or “editing our life” as Graham says, can be difficult.  Can you recycle the first love note your husband sent to you?  Can you give away the blanket Aunt Ginny crocheted for you but just doesn’t match your décor?  Can you let go of the mementos of your life?  Thanks to technology, the answer to many of these questions can be yes.  My collection of books will eventually be donated to the library when I add them all to the Kindle I so desire, my husband’s vinyl collection can be moved to MP3, and many of the remembrances of our lives can be scanned or photographed and stored for future viewing.   To me, the physical item is not as important as the memory and the meaning.

Have you ever let go of something which is no longer of use or is just collecting dust?  An amazing thing happens, it makes you lighter.  Really, it does.  Just like Scrooge’s partner Marley with his chain of wrongdoings, our throng of stuff can weigh us down and keep us from enjoying our lives.  This is one of the reason I love moving.  It is a great opportunity to go through the physical elements of our lives and really evaluate what we would like to keep.  Although it can be scary, purging the extraneous things in our lives can open up the door to new and better things arriving – physical or experiential.

Take some time before Thanksgiving to look around your house and find five things you can donate.  Choose clothes you haven’t worn in the last twelve months or check your kitchen for bowls or bakeware you do not use frequently.  Feel what it is like to let go and be a bit more free while possibly helping out someone else in need.

Recently I accompanied my husband on a work road trip to the sleepy town of Tuscola Illinois located just south of Champaign and west of the Indiana border.  On the way there, we checked out Trip Advisor to see if there was a hotel we could stay at and anywhere to eat.  Flesor’s Candy Kitchen jumped to our attention.  Opened in 1901, the diner and candy store are now being run by Ann and Devon, The Flesor Sisters.  It is a great little place with the original beautiful dark wood fixtures, antique tile floor, 1947 marble soda fountain, and a brass cash cage station.  It was like stepping back in time to walk into this building.

Devon, part owner of Flesor's Candy Kitchen

I came in and was immediately greeted by a woman washing glasses behind the old phosphate fountains.  There was a flurry of activity everywhere.  As I sat at the counter to look over the menu, I heard the woman orchestrating the other workers.  “Eric can you bring up another tub of ice cream?”  “Sara please help behind the candy counter.”  “Jessica can you deliver these malts?”  First I realized that the woman who greeted me was actually Devon, one of the owners.  Second, I was amazed that the staff, ranging in age from high school students to a woman who jokingly said she is going through menopause for the third time, was all cross-trained.  They moved seamlessly between waiting on tables, delivering food, bussing tables, cleaning tableware, running the register, boxing individual candy orders, hand dipping chocolates, and making malts, sodas and sundaes.  Plus they were having fun!  They even encouraged the entire diner to sing happy birthday to a little girl.  And it wasn’t the cheesy corporate restaurant obligatory song.  It was heartfelt.  Even through the hustle and bustle and some minor mishaps, the tone of the group was positive, helpful and considerate of their patrons and each other.  It was really an amazing experience and a joy to be in an establishment where the workers worked hard and were still real people who you would like to be around.

My husband and I experienced similar excellent service during a brief layover at the Holiday Inn in Dallas Fort Worth.  The driver of the free shuttle confirmed that we were going to the correct hotel before loading up our luggage.  The desk clerks confirmed our reservation, offered us a snack, and took care of our request to store some items in the restaurant freezer without batting an eye.  Requesting and receiving a 4:00 am ride back to the airport was again no problem (for the staff at least).  The chef even came out to our table honestly wanting to hear our thoughts about his new creation.  I couldn’t remember the last time every element of an overnight stay was phenomenal.

Could this be a resurrection of the dying art of customer service?  Do you know of any other businesses which still understand and embody true customer service?  Share your story with us here.

My husband and I purchased a house built in the 1960’s from the original owners.  Over the years we have made many improvements.  Our next project is slated to be remodeling the upstairs bathroom.  It is definitely in need of a refresh.  The tub is yellow with blue and green non-skid fish appliqués scattered here and there between the ghost-like remnants of their fallen brethren.  There are two mismatched vanities mounted to peeling and cracking painted walls.  And the pièce de résistance is the green woven carpeting covering the floor.  Needless to say, this room definitely needs to get a retrofit.

Because this is an older bathroom it has separate hot and cold water faucets in the shower.  Code now requires a single faucet because separate faucets can lead to unintentional scalding water and injury.  We have gotten pretty good at manipulating the faucets so we can enjoy our showers but it takes some time to get the temperature dialed in just right.  It is interesting though.  The hot water is pretty consistent.  If the volume of hot water is a drip or full blast, it still feels the same.  The cold water acts differently.  The more volume the colder it feels.  And the cold water is the key player to regulate the temperature overall.  No matter how much hot water is pouring in, the final temperature depends on the amount of cold water added.

The same goes for my mood.  My positivity and joy are, for the most part, consistent.  But how happy I feel depends on the amount of cold water I throw on my day.  The more I focus on the negative, on what I don’t have, on what went wrong, on any sadness I am experiencing, the more this cold water diminishes any good I am feeling.  It can take the best day of my life and, as they say, throw a wet blanket on it.  So what to do?  If we keep in mind my antique shower, turning up positivity, optimism and joy really won’t get my anywhere.  What I need to do is turn the volume down on the cold blahs to allow my hot joy to flow freely.

To lessen the wet blanket of negativity, the first thing I need to do is catch myself in the midst of it.  I need to sharpen my awareness.  When am I turning a neutral story into a negative one?  When am I joining into the pity party of bad traffic, low paychecks or whatever other negative stories are being shared around the water cooler?  When am I being sucked into the downward spiral of blechiness?  Once I become aware that the cold water is turned on, I need to take steps to stop the flow.  I can look at the story I’m telling myself and turn it around by searching for any good I can find in it.  I can lessen the power my negative thinking by remembering other times when the current bad issue did not exist therefore seeing that this too shall pass.  Sometimes just changing the subject or distracting myself from the negative story can break its power and turn off the flow of cold negativity.

If your cold water is running too hard, maybe it is time for a mental remodel.

Don’t remember how I came across this site, but if you have a storefront or want more of your taxes to remain in your community, read on.  The 3/50 Project was started in 2009 by a woman with a mission to save our local businesses and support our local communities.  Her call to action is simple.  Stop by your three (3) favorite would-hate-to-lose local independently owned businesses.  Spend $50 locally every month.  By doing so, you not only keep your favorite stores and restaurants around, but you also bring more money back to your community.  The 3/50 Projects states that “For every $100 spent in locally owned independent stores, $68 returns to the community through taxes, payroll, and other expenditures.  If you spend that in a national chain, only $43 stays here.  Spend it online and nothing comes home.”

Have a business?  You can not only list yourself for free on her site, but you can download a free flyer and explore other marketing tools including iPhone apps to help teach your community about the impact they can have on their local economy.

As a consumer, why not take a moment to think of those local businesses that you would miss if they were gone.  Then, when you can, bypass the big guys and show your support to your local favorites through the dollars you already spend.  I know for me if I couldn’t buy my favorite granola from Valli Produce, enjoy a specialty salad or glass of wine from Tuscan Market, or receive an amazing massage at the Lighthouse, I would be bummed.  That is why I try to frequent them often.  I love the personal attention they give and that I am a valued customer not a marketing statistic.  Doesn’t mean you have to go all or nothing by cutting out the big guys, but think about spreading the wealth.  And if you can not name three of your favorite independent stores, now might be a good time to look around and see what you may be missing.

Remember that you can make a difference.  So often there are many things which affect our lives which we believe we can not affect.  Here is your chance to make an impact.  So what are your favorite local establishments you would like to support?

I saw this grassy log at our marina the other day.  How the heck did the grass get on there?  And how did it grow so strong in such an unexpected spot?  Where there is a will, there is a way, right?  But what happens when the way seems bigger than one’s will?  Lately the theme of obstacles has been coming up for many of my clients and it is appearing in different ways.

For instance, one client sees little bumps in the road as warning signs that she is headed in the wrong direction.  When there is the least bit of resistance or difficulty instead of seeing it as a bump in the road and the normal blimps in getting something done, this client sees it as a strong message that she was not meant to have what she desires.  Does this happen to you? When it does, ask yourself what is your level of dedication and passion toward your desires?  Do you think you deserve it?  Are you afraid of rolling up your sleeves so you use “it’s not meant to be” as an excuse of not making an effort?  Why are you giving up on your dreams so quickly?

Or is the obstacle an honest message that this direction or goal is not appropriate for you?  To determine if the obstacle is a warning to change directions or a legitimate issue to overcome, check in with your effort.  If you are making a good effort and it feels like swimming through caramel, it is probably frustrating but in alignment with you.  On the other hand, if you are trying to force something to happen, trying to make it conform to your wishes, then it is probably out of alignment.  Check in with your own discernment.  Are you trying to make something work because it is the easy way out but not your true desires?  Or are you trying to fulfill the expectations of others?  Also be sure that you are not throwing the baby out with the bathwater.  An obstacle may not be a warning that your goals are off, but it may be a warning that the path you are on will not get you where you want to go.  Don’t give up your destination, just look for a new path.

Another way obstacles appear is mistaking potholes for the Grand Canyon.  So often our mind goes three or four steps past the current reality and makes a mountain out of a molehill.  It is like focusing on the obstacle of landing your first job as an attorney when you have not even started undergrad yet.  Yes, becoming an attorney may be your ultimate goal, but your challenge right now is completing your freshman year in college.  Keep your obstacles at pothole level so that you can continue to make progress.  Baby steps help you move forward so eventually you cross the Grand Canyon.

Keep your goal in mind and focus your efforts on that goal.  Don’t be deterred if you have to take a different path than you expected or if there are more bumps in the road than you would like.  Keep your eye on the prize and continue to make steps toward your goal.  They do not need to be huge leaps.  Do what you feel comfortable with but continue to make progress.  Your determination will help you accomplish your dreams.

So I caught a little fishy on our trip to Cabo San Lucas this summer.  Ok, so it is a really big fish.  When I first caught it, we sent this photo to a friend.  He was impressed with the size of the fish, but did not for an instant believe I caught it.  I don’t remember how long it took me but I did really truly reel this fish up to the boat.  Actually I reeled the fish near the boat a few times and each time it bolted back out to sea and I had to start over again until finally I landed this big and tasty dorado.

But I didn’t do it alone.

The captain kept a diligent eye on the seas to scope out where the fish were and brought us to the best areas.  The crew baited the poles with the best lures to catch the fish we desired.  The first mate was the actual person to place the lure in the right place to catch the eye and mouth of the fish.  As I reeled in the fish, my husband rotated the chair for me to keep me in the best position to fight the fish, the captain would back up the boat to help shorten the distance between me and the fish, and when the fish was close enough to the boat the mate with a hook pulled the fish into the boat.  Heck, I didn’t even hold up the fish myself for the photo.  So I guess I didn’t catch the fish.  It was really a group effort filled with the support and expertise of those around me.

How often in our businesses do we think we have to do it all alone?  We are trying to wear all the hats of sales, marketing, CEO, accountant, technician, and motivator.  Or we think we have to have all of the answers ourselves.  We believe that it is our company and that we are solely responsible for making everything happen.  And we are, but that doesn’t mean we can not receive outside support or accept and utilize the expertise of others.  In fact, things tend to flow more smoothly when we can admit to what is our expertise and what would be best to outsource.

Last year I started facilitating Power of 10 groups where business owners gather to support each other in their businesses.  I knew that it would be powerful, but I didn’t realize how powerful.  In creating the group, I expected there to be amazing insights as business owners from different industries shared their experiences and recommendations.  But what I didn’t expect were the strong connections made by the owners which resulted in empathetic support and constant accountability propelling each others’ businesses.  Just like having a knowledgeable crew supporting me while I focused on reeling in the fish, the Power of 10 members provided support, insight, accountability, and sometimes their own business services to help the other members focus and grow their businesses.

New Power of 10 groups are starting this September.  Contact me today to reserve your spot and powerfully grow your business.

We were fortunate to visit Cabo San Lucas again this year.  Besides doing a lot of fishing, we went snorkeling for two days.  Since I had a lasik procedure a few years ago, I really enjoy putting on the mask and viewing all of the beautiful fish.  Putting on and breathing through the snorkel on the other hand, is a challenge.  Even at my advanced age, I am still a novice swimmer.  I have the tendency to float a few feet under the surface and coordinating breathing while moving is still a challenge.  Gratefully the salt water in the Sea of Cortez helps with my buoyancy so there is just that breathing thing to deal with.

No matter, I jump in.  Once I relax and concentrate on my breathing, I get into an easy rhythm and head from the boat to the reef.  I enjoy seeing a fish or two as I glide through the water while I anticipate seeing all the gorgeous fish we saw at the reef the day before.  But today the water is a little rougher, the waves a little higher.  One swell over takes my snorkel and sends salt water into my mouth.  I cough, choke, and pull off the snorkel.  I am floating ok until I look around and don’t see my husband.  He knows I am an inexperienced swimmer and usually sticks around in case I need help.  I look toward the reef and don’t see him.  I look toward the boat and don’t see him.  I look out toward the horizon and don’t see him.  I panic.  My breathing becomes short and erratic.  Because of this, my buoyancy begins to lessen.  I panic more.  Realizing I float better while snorkeling and controlling my breathing, I put on my mask and continue to head toward the reef all the while wondering why my husband has seemingly abandoned me.

After a bit, I once again rise above the surface.  Again I look to the sea, the reef, and the boat with no husband in sight.  Again I begin to panic, breathing poorly, and start to sink.  More panic this time.  Then it hits me.  I turn toward the shore.  There, only a few feet from me, is my husband, my touchstone, my safety net.  I laugh at my stupidity and the deep guffaw fills my lungs with extra oxygen floating me safely above the waterline.

The next time you feel fear, panic, or anxiety, check your breathing.  Is it short, quick, and high up in your chest?  See if you can redirect your breathing down to your belly button.  Slow deep breaths fully expanding your abdomen then gently releasing all the air in the same slow steady rhythm.  What does changing your breathing do for your thinking?  Do to your fear?  Do you experience clarity and calm?  Does your panic lessen?  Are you better able to address the issue at hand?  Our bodies react to our emotional states, but we can also consciously change our bodies therefore also changing our emotional state.  Next time your emotions are out of control, try reversing your body’s reaction to those emotions and see if you can reverse your emotions as well.

I don’t like to weed.  There are a few things that I can say I truly dislike, but weeding is one of them.  It always seems like there are so many weeds and that once I pull them, the next day there are just as many back.  So I had a plan.  I told my husband I wanted to plant a natural perennial garden.

The garden was going well.  If something was green and growing, I let it grow.  Most of them were pretty in their own way.  There were tall stalks and bushy ground cover with blooms.  I told my husband, who knows less about greenery than I do, that they were all natural wild flowers.  He bought it for a while.  Then the some of the “natural wild flowers” took over.  One became two.  Two became twenty.  Twenty became sixty.  My well planned garden became overrun by these natural beauties.

At first I embraced my new garden.  At least they were green and most of them had flowers of one sort or another.  But my garden began to look overrun and mangled, not naturally composed.  So I started to pull out some of the less desirables.  What I discovered was there were beautiful black-eyed susans and daisies barely breathing underneath.  So I cleared out more of the plants that got out of control.  I started to remember the plan from the year before.  As I pulled more of these intruders out, I found more and more of the beautiful perennials I had intended to watch bloom this year.  The original plan for my garden was slowly revealed with each pull.  By the end of the day, I had cleared the infiltrators from the entire garden except one corner.  That is where they will stay and be monitored.

As I often do, this experience made me think of my own life and business.  You see just like these unplanned wild flowers, there have been some aspects of my business which have become overgrown.  They were not really planned, but I left them to grow to see what they would become.  Unfortunately over time they have gotten out of hand.  Just like in my garden, these little projects took on a life of their own.  They moved from being a little side interest into a nuisance.  They became distracting projects keeping me from focusing on my planned core business.  These projects became the 80 of my focus, but produced only the 20 of my success.

Take a look at your own business.  What weeds have taken a stronghold?  What projects have your focus but are not benefitting your bottom line?  What needs to be removed so that you can go back to your original plan and foundation?  What did you intend and how are things actually looking?