There are probably thousands of articles which talk about how to work more efficiently, to keep all departments focused on a singular goal, and to help us stay motivated no matter how daunting the task.  As a Recovering Type-A, I am an expert on to-do lists, working smarter not harder, and keeping things moving no matter the effort or hours needed.  But I am learning about a new tool which can accomplish more than I ever did before and with much less effort.  Adopting this new tool is physically and cognitively easy, but it is quite difficult emotionally and psychologically.  This is because it goes against the normal perception that working hard is the only way to accomplish what we desire.  The mentality of no pain, no gain drives so many to accomplish so much.  But there is an easier, more pleasant, and honestly, a more productive way.  Let’s call it No Pain, All Gain.

photo by Zweettooth

The concept behind No Pain, All Gain is to release every belief which makes us feel constricted and stressed, replacing these harmful thoughts with beliefs which actually make working easier and more successful.

One belief is that you need to do everything yourself.  This belief adds unrealistic responsibility and added stress. There are very few of us who are an expert in everything.  When we try to complete even the tasks to which we do not excel, we tend to make more mistakes and it takes us longer.  We can accomplish so much more if we turn over certain aspects of projects to those who specialize and enjoy those tasks.  Plus we tend to be more productive and creative if we can focus on a singular task versus multitasking.

Another belief is that stress and work-related pressure are just facts of life. The truth is when we are stressed, pressured, or feel the circumstance is do-or-die that we underperform at something which we could otherwise perform perfectly.  When we can take away the perception that pain or hard work is part of the process, we open up our minds and our capabilities.

Yet another belief is that there is never enough time to complete everything we desire.  Truth is we create more time to get things completed when we stop thinking we don’t have enough time.  When we pressure ourselves with deadlines we add stress and as above we make it more difficult to accomplish things.  Setting the thought and intention in the morning that we will have more than enough time to accomplish all we desire opens up and expands time.

As you start your workday, be aware of the stories you are telling yourself.  Do the stories make you stressed, pained, and unproductive?  If so, how can you rewrite your beliefs to give you a No Pain, All Gain day?  Try it and see if your day is not only more enjoyable, but also more productive in ways you never imagined before.

Every day we receive tons of information.  We are inundated with sounds from people, machines and nature, air temperature and the feel of wind on our faces, people and things to look at, the feel of our clothes on our bodies, the smell from lunch or a wet dog not to mention all of the conversations, advertisements and texts coming at us every second.  There is no way we could receive and make sense of all this data.  We would not be able to process and act upon all of this data therefore our brain uses our Reticular Activating System (RAS) to filter the information for us.

image by artM

Our RAS allows us to unconsciously select what we want to see and experience.  It is the reason why my husband sees every 1950’s car on the highway.  They are important to him.  He enjoys seeing them.  Me?  Not so much.  So my RAS filters out these cars.  They don’t exist to me.  I don’t see them at all.  Try this yourself.  Say that something, anything – baseball, model trains, or the color red – is important to you.  Then be aware of what you see and hear.  Are you much more conscious of articles, announcements, and radio programs about baseball even during the off season?  Do you suddenly notice a model train store on your travels to work which you were never aware of before?  Is red showing up stronger than any other color throughout the day?  These are all signs of your RAS working.

The RAS is a wonderful system helping us to receive only urgent and relative information.  However, our RAS can work against us.  If we are in a bad mood, our RAS will select only those things which justify and further our bad feelings.  If we are afraid, the RAS will be put on alert to send us warnings of each and every potential source of fear.  We can experience stress and pain in our lives because our RAS is hypersensitive to information which does not serve us.

However, we can consciously change the wiring of our minds.  We have the power to not only choose how we perceive, act and react but we can also go into our gray matter to delete old programs which do not work for us and wire together new programs which serve us better. By reprogramming our RAS we can consciously choose to experience more joy, peace, and happiness.  Through this reprogramming we can once again have ambition, see the glass as half full, and have the strength to move forward.

Join us to learn how to reprogram your RAS on February 21st.  Learn more here.

Recently I heard about a disturbing conversation.  An MBA graduate shared a question which was presented in his training.  “If you had to decide to increase revenue or save lives, which would you choose?”  The answer seemed pretty clear to me, but the MBA graduate said, “There is no right or wrong answer.”  Really???  Are we educating our business leaders to see no value in human life above profit?  I know that CEO’s are bound to act in the best interests of their stockholders, but are they to do it with no regard to human life?

Thankfully I am also noticing a new trend to replace the greed is good of the 1980’s.  There is a new group of people who see past the illusion of money above all.  Whether they live on an estate which they earned over years of hard work or are still just surviving on minimum wages, there are so many who are now realizing there is more to life than keeping up with the Jones, longing to be a Kardashian, and seeking the almighty dollar.  Success defined solely by one’s bank account is no longer enough.  Yes, we all like to have our needs met and perhaps purchase the new i-Phone, but there is also a new emerging feeling that there is something more to life than just having stuff and receiving income.

image by artM

This new movement is a switch from being self-absorbed focusing solely on our own needs to instead look at how our actions affect others.  It could be that we become aware of how our actions are currently negatively impacting others or it is an awareness of how we can make small changes to our actions to benefit others as well as our self.  Self care is important but our choices and actions no longer stop with us.  Many of us are now beginning to see how we are interconnected.  Our actions affect our families, friends, peers, community, and world as a whole.  There is a new desire to make a difference, to help others, or to support the environment.  Our new dreams could be as grand as recreating the how our food is grown, produced, distributed, and served or it can be as small as being a volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club.  But large or small, the drive to help, aid, and change the world is superseding or at least equal to any desire for wealth.

This change is not only with the individuals I have met who are starting foundations or giving a percentage of profit back to communities, but it is also shown in smaller but still significant ways.  Perhaps it is giving free advice to someone just starting out.  Perhaps it is treating a client as a person and not just an invoice.  Perhaps it is just answering your phone with a smile.  If you are looking to meet others who are ready to redefine business and to learn ways to make a profit without selling your soul, join us for an upcoming Heart Centered Entrepreneur meeting.

Whether you own your own company or you work for someone else, how can you make 2012 more than just about profits?  What are ways you can bring humanity back to the marketplace?

I am sure that you are anticipating my first posting of the new year to be about resolutions or perhaps about 2012 prophecies.  Sorry.  I like to be as genuine as I can which means writing about what I am currently experiencing instead of crafting a contrived post.  So here goes.  Weeks before Christmas my mother went in for routine hernia surgery.  If you know my mother at all, you know that nothing is “routine” with her.  What we thought would be a few days in the hospital became a roller coast couple of weeks.  But it brought to mind a few important keys to living a happy life.

Unexpected

photos by 115wax, stock.xchng

Shit happens.  No matter how much we plan, what we expect, or what we envision, life is going to do what life is going to do.  Think of driving home from work.  You know your route and almost navigate it unconsciously.  As you listen to Lady Gaga, you think about your dinner options.  Then BAM!  Your ears register a sound almost before you realize your body is being thrown again your seatbelt.  You sit there stunned as your senses and your mind try to wrap around what just happened.  If you have ever been in a car accident, you know how surreal an event it is.  All of a sudden your usual daily experience stops, is suspended, seems trivial as you are thrown into a new hyper reality.  It may be easy to see and accept this new reality when you can see the twisted metal of what use to be your car, but other situations may be more difficult to recognize or accept.  Be consciously aware of the truth of what is happening in this current moment.  All too often we miss out on the truth because we are perceiving our experiences based on our expectations.  Take the time to stop and check in with the true reality of the situation.  This way you can decide how to react to what is really going on versus going through the motions of your previously planned actions based on an anticipated scenario.

Switching Gears

In preparing for my mother’s surgery, we discussed having enough food in the house for her return and how we would keep the dog from jumping on her swollen belly.  But when instead we were dealing with the infectious disease doctor all of those initial plans and schemes were useless.  It is times like this we may have trouble shifting gears.  We try holding in to our original projected actions and trying to force them into the new situation.  Sorry, it doesn’t work that way guys.  It is necessary to first let go of the original plans, next accept the new situation, and then evaluate what needs to happen in this new scenario.  And if, unfortunately, the situation has turned to a less desirable one, it may be very difficult to release the old scenario.  We might find ourselves holding on for too long to a better or more desirable circumstance.  But the longer we hold on, the more harm we can cause.  Holding on to what we thought would be only stifles us, keeps us from fixing the current situation, and often times causes problems because we are taking the wrong actions.  Imagine still trying to drive your car home after and accident where your front end is caved in, the car door is in the driver’s seat, and it is missing a tire.  I don’t think you would make it very far.  The game has changed; we need to change with it.

Focusing on the Truth of the Moment

When things shifted for my mother, it was easy for us to take five steps into the future and play the What If game.  What if the infection doesn’t go away?  What if the body rejects the mesh?  What if, what if, what if??  Playing the What If game can be helpful when trying to uncover one’s life purpose.  What if I didn’t have to worry about money?  What would I do?  But when we try to be carnival fortune tellers about the future and live in the what if’s of negativity, it can be harmful.  Do your best to stay focused on the here and now.  Focus on the truth of the circumstances.  Focus on what is happening now and deal with that situation.  Focusing on the future we can’t know keeps us from handling the now we can address.

image by raja4u, stock.xchange

Here is hoping that 2012 is marvelous and wonderful for all of you!  But as it takes shape, morphs, shifts, and progresses, do your best to accept the unexpected, shift gears to address new situations, and stay focused on the now you can fix not the possible future what if’s which may never arise.

Happiness, good health and much success to you in the new year!!

I heard an interesting talk the other day by David Logan the co-author of Tribal Leadership.  Unfortunately I can not share the talk I heard, but here he is on TED.  The big takeaway I had was that the key to developing strong successful businesses was in uncovering shared values and using those values to guide decision making.  Having shared common values unites a group around something bigger than themselves.  These values can be something noble like giving to the poor or they may just be valuing fun and creativity.  The value itself does not matter.  The important point is that there is something larger than the self which is respected, rewarded, and followed by the group.

Personally I saw this in action the other day.  I was asked to speak to a networking group.  However before I gave my speech, the group discussed their desire to create a new name for their gathering.  Instead of giving my talk, the attendees happily accepted my offer to facilitate them in this naming process.  Instead of jumping into the creative process, first I helped them define a mission and vision for the group.  It was incredible to see how the attendees began to align and synthesize as the values of the group came to the surface.  Of course, growing one’s business was a core function of the group but what arose was that the group valued personal relationships.  The desire to connect with other individuals on a personal intimate level was the foundation of this group.  As this value rose to the surface, I could see the group coming together in a way they had not before.

In recent Find and Follow Your Bliss life purpose workshops and my upcoming book Gray Matters, I teach that experiential values are the key to having purpose in one’s life.  The same is true for your business.  Yes, a business is in existence to serve a need and make money.  That is a given.  But what makes an amazing business is when there is an experiential value all of the co-workers share.  The experiential value is true purpose of the business.  It is why the employees get up in the morning and why they give that extra little bit every day.  This value becomes a guiding light for the company’s goals, decision making, and employee and customer relations.  It is the basis of the company’s brand personality.  As businesses are able to center the company culture around an experiential value, they see moral improve and politics diminish.  It is a wonderful productive state.

What are the common values of your business?   What culture are you creating?  How are you helping your employees gather around a singular value?

I am sure we have all heard of or read O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi at some time in our lives.  It is the story of a young couple who sacrifice to give to each other.  I think a lot of families relate more and more to this story.  The opulence we Americans used to enjoy is fading and many of us are making hard decisions around the holidays.  But this time of sacrifice can also be a time to truly give.  I am sure any parent can relate to their favorite present from their child not being a lavish expensive store bought item.  But that it was a work of love covered in colored macaroni noodles and glitter.  One of the best gifts I received last year was homemade bread from my niece who is an aspiring baker.  She made a basket specific for each family member and I was touched that she gave me more fruit and homemade apple butter instead of two loaves of bread because of my desire to eat less gluten.  It was her caring thought that meant more to me than any other present that year.

So how are you giving this year?

Did you spend all of your holiday dollars on Black Friday or Cyber Monday?  Or did you perhaps join in the second annual American Express sponsored Small Business Saturday and patronize your locally owned stores?  Why not grab a gift card from your favorite local pancake house, greasy spoon, or special occasion restaurant?  Or could “I love you” be said through a haircut, oil change, lawn mowing, snow removal, house cleaning, or dog walking gift certificate?

Or are you showing your love by making a donation to a worthy cause in the name of someone you care about?

How about opting out spending cash this year by making gifts instead of buying them?  If you can’t make them yourself, how about attending a craft fair and supporting local artisans?

Does giving mean time instead of money this year?  Time to visit an ill relative, helping out at a shelter, or just being together with your family and friends.  Are you thinking of sharing experiences instead of giving things?  Remember when putting up the tree was not a nagging to-do, but a family experience?  Could decorating for the holidays be a time to share, laugh, and gather instead of a time to stress and max our credit cards?

How are you going to rethink giving this year?

At least once a week I receive an invitation to connect with someone on Linked In who I have not met before.  Being an open-networker, I promptly respond to the person asking for a face to face or virtual meeting so we can get to know each other, understand how to refer one another and determine if there are other ways we can help grow our businesses.  As this other person initially contacted me, I would expect a courteous and prompt response to schedule a meeting.  Unfortunately that is only true about twenty-five percent of the time.  The rest of the time I do not hear from these individuals at all.  To me this is a lack of business etiquette and a lost opportunity.

Why do we connect with others?  Usually it is to gain referrals, find resources and receive new business.  How can any of this be accomplished if all one is doing is clicking the “link” button.  How do I know who to refer you to?  How do I know which articles and resources to share with you?  How could I feel confident enough to refer business?

In this fast-paced electronic age, it is so easy to click a button and believe we are serving our business then frantically moving on to the next task.  I completely understand how busy we all are but we are not serving ourselves professionally or personally by speeding through our relationships.  As a life coach, one of my mantras is telling people to slow down.  When we speed up and focus on the future to-do’s we often miss the present moment.  One of the things we miss when we are focused on the every growing heap of tasks is building the relationships we desire personally and professionally.  These relationships mean more than any single task or accomplishment.  Don’t let the ease of electronics fool you into thinking you are making real connections.

And watch in amazement when you do make real connections.  The other day I received an invitation to connect.  Not knowing the person, I asked for a meeting.  I received an immediate response.  The other person was floored.  He had not been asked to meet before connecting and was excited to meet me.  In preparing for our call, I checked out his profile.  He is a publisher and a terrific resource for me as I complete my first book.  After speaking to him, it is clear he is a wonderful man as well and I am now ever-vigilant in searching out opportunities and connections which may benefit him as well.  Another positive story about real connections is about a woman who connected with me last January.  We had not spoken since then but as she is moving into a new career she reached out again because I had some resources and information she could use.  I was happy to help and she was also willing to speak to another connection of mine whom she may be able to provide guidance.  It is all about giving and receiving.  In order to do either, it is important to make real connections.

How many Linked In contacts do you have?  When is the last time you reached out to them?  Why not find someone you haven’t heard from in a while and drop them a line?  Or why not reach out to someone you can help or who could potentially assist you and see if you can begin a true strong connection?

I love Ted.  No that is not the name of my husband or pet.  In 1984 TED conferences were created to have the best of the best speak about Technology, Entertainment and Design.  But is has grown to so much more and is truly ideas worth spreading.  A friend sent me a link to TED the other day for Marco Tempest’s presentation about The Magic of Truth and Lies (and iPods).  It is surely worth the view if you have five minutes to spare.  But as often happens, once I finish one TED segment, I can’t help to launch into another.  This time the one that caught my eye was Graham Hill’s Less Stuff, More Happiness.  His talk reminded me of my college years and the trips to and from Peoria and then to and from Los Angeles where I lugged and shipped boxes upon boxes of books, a bicycle and goodness knows what else back and forth and back and forth again at great expense and inconvenience with the irony that I don’t know if I ever used more than ten percent of the stuff I moved around.  But what really resonated with me is the idea of downsizing, especially now that my husband and I are dreaming of moving from our twelve-hundred square foot home onto a twenty-seven foot boat.

Don’t get me wrong, I love our house.  We have spent the last eight or so years fixing it up, repairing it and making it truly ours.  Plus we have more remodeling planned for this winter.  But sometimes it feels like so much extra, so much padding, so much just surrounding and not interacting with us.  For instance, our garage attic is filled with boxes from our move years ago which we have never opened!  What is in there?  If we haven’t missed is by now, do we really need to keep it?  There are also rooms in our house which are used infrequently if ever.  Graham mentions that over the last fifty years our homes have tripled in size and we have needed to add outside storage to keep all our stuff, but it has only resulted in credit card debt, excessive environmental footprints and having our happiness flatline over those same years.  Sorry “Keeping up with the Jones’” more stuff does not equal more happiness.

There are so many physical items we keep around us because we believe they are part of us, they are part of our history or they define who we are.  We use them to surround ourselves with comfort and insulate us from harm.  But even if we are not eligible for the next episode of Hoarders, we may have some extraneous items clogging our lives.  Yet getting rid of or “editing our life” as Graham says, can be difficult.  Can you recycle the first love note your husband sent to you?  Can you give away the blanket Aunt Ginny crocheted for you but just doesn’t match your décor?  Can you let go of the mementos of your life?  Thanks to technology, the answer to many of these questions can be yes.  My collection of books will eventually be donated to the library when I add them all to the Kindle I so desire, my husband’s vinyl collection can be moved to MP3, and many of the remembrances of our lives can be scanned or photographed and stored for future viewing.   To me, the physical item is not as important as the memory and the meaning.

Have you ever let go of something which is no longer of use or is just collecting dust?  An amazing thing happens, it makes you lighter.  Really, it does.  Just like Scrooge’s partner Marley with his chain of wrongdoings, our throng of stuff can weigh us down and keep us from enjoying our lives.  This is one of the reason I love moving.  It is a great opportunity to go through the physical elements of our lives and really evaluate what we would like to keep.  Although it can be scary, purging the extraneous things in our lives can open up the door to new and better things arriving – physical or experiential.

Take some time before Thanksgiving to look around your house and find five things you can donate.  Choose clothes you haven’t worn in the last twelve months or check your kitchen for bowls or bakeware you do not use frequently.  Feel what it is like to let go and be a bit more free while possibly helping out someone else in need.

Recently I accompanied my husband on a work road trip to the sleepy town of Tuscola Illinois located just south of Champaign and west of the Indiana border.  On the way there, we checked out Trip Advisor to see if there was a hotel we could stay at and anywhere to eat.  Flesor’s Candy Kitchen jumped to our attention.  Opened in 1901, the diner and candy store are now being run by Ann and Devon, The Flesor Sisters.  It is a great little place with the original beautiful dark wood fixtures, antique tile floor, 1947 marble soda fountain, and a brass cash cage station.  It was like stepping back in time to walk into this building.

Devon, part owner of Flesor's Candy Kitchen

I came in and was immediately greeted by a woman washing glasses behind the old phosphate fountains.  There was a flurry of activity everywhere.  As I sat at the counter to look over the menu, I heard the woman orchestrating the other workers.  “Eric can you bring up another tub of ice cream?”  “Sara please help behind the candy counter.”  “Jessica can you deliver these malts?”  First I realized that the woman who greeted me was actually Devon, one of the owners.  Second, I was amazed that the staff, ranging in age from high school students to a woman who jokingly said she is going through menopause for the third time, was all cross-trained.  They moved seamlessly between waiting on tables, delivering food, bussing tables, cleaning tableware, running the register, boxing individual candy orders, hand dipping chocolates, and making malts, sodas and sundaes.  Plus they were having fun!  They even encouraged the entire diner to sing happy birthday to a little girl.  And it wasn’t the cheesy corporate restaurant obligatory song.  It was heartfelt.  Even through the hustle and bustle and some minor mishaps, the tone of the group was positive, helpful and considerate of their patrons and each other.  It was really an amazing experience and a joy to be in an establishment where the workers worked hard and were still real people who you would like to be around.

My husband and I experienced similar excellent service during a brief layover at the Holiday Inn in Dallas Fort Worth.  The driver of the free shuttle confirmed that we were going to the correct hotel before loading up our luggage.  The desk clerks confirmed our reservation, offered us a snack, and took care of our request to store some items in the restaurant freezer without batting an eye.  Requesting and receiving a 4:00 am ride back to the airport was again no problem (for the staff at least).  The chef even came out to our table honestly wanting to hear our thoughts about his new creation.  I couldn’t remember the last time every element of an overnight stay was phenomenal.

Could this be a resurrection of the dying art of customer service?  Do you know of any other businesses which still understand and embody true customer service?  Share your story with us here.

My husband and I purchased a house built in the 1960’s from the original owners.  Over the years we have made many improvements.  Our next project is slated to be remodeling the upstairs bathroom.  It is definitely in need of a refresh.  The tub is yellow with blue and green non-skid fish appliqués scattered here and there between the ghost-like remnants of their fallen brethren.  There are two mismatched vanities mounted to peeling and cracking painted walls.  And the pièce de résistance is the green woven carpeting covering the floor.  Needless to say, this room definitely needs to get a retrofit.

Because this is an older bathroom it has separate hot and cold water faucets in the shower.  Code now requires a single faucet because separate faucets can lead to unintentional scalding water and injury.  We have gotten pretty good at manipulating the faucets so we can enjoy our showers but it takes some time to get the temperature dialed in just right.  It is interesting though.  The hot water is pretty consistent.  If the volume of hot water is a drip or full blast, it still feels the same.  The cold water acts differently.  The more volume the colder it feels.  And the cold water is the key player to regulate the temperature overall.  No matter how much hot water is pouring in, the final temperature depends on the amount of cold water added.

The same goes for my mood.  My positivity and joy are, for the most part, consistent.  But how happy I feel depends on the amount of cold water I throw on my day.  The more I focus on the negative, on what I don’t have, on what went wrong, on any sadness I am experiencing, the more this cold water diminishes any good I am feeling.  It can take the best day of my life and, as they say, throw a wet blanket on it.  So what to do?  If we keep in mind my antique shower, turning up positivity, optimism and joy really won’t get my anywhere.  What I need to do is turn the volume down on the cold blahs to allow my hot joy to flow freely.

To lessen the wet blanket of negativity, the first thing I need to do is catch myself in the midst of it.  I need to sharpen my awareness.  When am I turning a neutral story into a negative one?  When am I joining into the pity party of bad traffic, low paychecks or whatever other negative stories are being shared around the water cooler?  When am I being sucked into the downward spiral of blechiness?  Once I become aware that the cold water is turned on, I need to take steps to stop the flow.  I can look at the story I’m telling myself and turn it around by searching for any good I can find in it.  I can lessen the power my negative thinking by remembering other times when the current bad issue did not exist therefore seeing that this too shall pass.  Sometimes just changing the subject or distracting myself from the negative story can break its power and turn off the flow of cold negativity.

If your cold water is running too hard, maybe it is time for a mental remodel.