I was very fortunate to spend two weeks in Italy this April.  Upfront I realized it was not going to be a normal vacation.  My mother is still recovering from her December and subsequent surgeries so every morning my sister and I were to take turns changing her bandages.  After that responsibility, I expected time and space to be able to recharge and replenish.  This was the first vacation in the four years of my business in which I would not have email, phone, or computer access.  It was to be a time to truly relax.  But as all of my blogs seem to go, I was wrong.

Venice with my buddy, Eleanor

You see there was another factor to this trip.  We were taking it with my mother’s church group.  The trip was created for “mature” travelers so the majority of our group was over sixty years old.  What I quickly learned was how much assistance some of the members needed.  We were walking up and down stairs, over uneven cobblestone, and just walking and walking and walking.  At seventy, eighty, and even ninety years old, this amount of physical activity was quite challenging for many of our group.  Immediately I began to help the other navigate the ancient streets of Rome.

Within the first two days it hit me, resentment.  Here I was on a trip meant to recuperate me from the three years spent nursing my father and I was spending the majority of the time once again nursing others:  taking care of my mother, helping people with stairs, lagging behind with those who couldn’t keep pace with the tour guide, and wrangling those who were getting lost.  The more I thought about it the more the resentment, anger, self-pity, and sadness arose.  It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.  All of my judgments about how things should be and what I deserved were more hurtful than the actual act of helping the others.  So I flipped the switch.

In the same way I help so many people reframe their thoughts and experience through MasterHeart™, I chose a new more positive perspective.  I Accepted the situation I was in.  I could not change who was on the trip, I would not change my desire to help others, and I had no other place I could possibly be for the next ten days.  This first step of seeing, accepting, and embracing the reality of my situation brought a wave of calm and a sigh of release.  Second, I filled my heart with Compassion.  None of these people purposefully set out to disrupt my trip.  They were all wonderful people going through a difficult time and they were very grateful for my assistance.  No one was forcing me to help; I was choosing to help.  Embracing Acceptance and Compassion, a sense of peace washed over me.  It was the replenishment I was seeking on this trip.  The rest of the time I enjoyed the sites of Italy at a slow pace, relaxing and resting more frequently than I would have on my own, and enjoying the appreciation and gratitude received from the others on the trip.

What is happening in your life right now which is robbing your energy?  Is it truly the situation or is it your judgment of the situation?  How can you use Acceptance and Compassion to improve your experience?

This year kicked off with incredible revenue for my company.  I have been thrilled with the number of new and returning clients.  I received joy from seeing my Quickbooks revenue graphs fly off the charts.  Smiling I imagined where my 2012 figures would end.  Then a favorite client decided not to continue working together.  Other clients have not been able to renew due to resources. And a slew of clients have decided to space their sessions out more than usual.  My graph tapered off.  Oh dear.

After a breath, I realized this was a blessing.  Focusing on the dollars, no matter how exciting, is not why I do what I do.  I love to help people learn, grow, and become their potential.  I love to learn new techniques and share them with others.  I love to see individuals experience their aha moments leading them to life changing breakthroughs.  The money is appreciated and cool to watch grow, but it is not why I choose to be a coach.  My true reward is seeing the success of my clients.  I think that the amazing first quarter revenue I received started to distract me from my purpose.  Although I did not skimp at all during sessions, I started to judge my success by the sales graph instead of my clients’ growth.  Having a leveling off in March helped me re-recognized why I am in business.

Last month I had the most amazing workshop.  Forty individuals soaked up every word, worked hard on their exercises, asked amazing questions, spent time afterwards talking to me about their personal journey, and left feeling empowered to make changes in their life.  It was one of my biggest successes to date.  And I was not compensated one dime.  That is why I do what I do.  My gift to the world is to help us see our lives differently and to empower each of us to become our full potential.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to receive payment and to use the dollars to propel my business and also eat at the end of the day, but the revenue is not why I am in business.

Although it may be difficult to focus on my true purpose when there are bills to pay, staying primarily focused on my true gifts is the real joy of life.  If this was the last five minutes of my life I would be more rewarded by the content of my last session then by the dollars in my company’s bank account.  Especially in difficult economic times, we may gravitate more toward gaining revenue and ensuring our company stays afloat but trust me when I say, staying focused on what truly matters will not only give you joy in every business day but will, in the right timing, bring in the revenue your truly need.

On the latest trip to the hospital with my mother I noticed something new.  Most of the rooms have a rolling tray to hold meals and help with care.  The trays are pretty multifunctional like a Swiss Army knife.  They have an area for a food tray, raised cubes to hold bottles and personal necessities, and different functional pullouts.  Many of these functions are labeled to help the patient and nurse identify when and how to use each.  As I inspected the rolling tray at this new hospital, I let out a big guffaw.  Clearly labeled on one segment of the tray were the words “Vanity Release.”

Immediately all of the people who I think could use a little “Vanity Release” such as Kim Kardashian and Donald Trump came to mind.  They appear to have an excess of vanity and may benefit from a bit of a release.  Wouldn’t it be nice to know where the release was on our friends and neighbors who get a little too much into their accomplishments, possessions, and sense of self-importance?  Perhaps you have some teenagers in your life and can relate to the peace which would come over your house with a little less teen self-absorption.  Then I also thought of the times when I could have benefited from releasing some of my own vanity. 

When I first began speaking to groups, my ego took over.  I thought I needed to be a presence, an expert, a personality, an undeniable force in order to be respected by those to whom I spoke.  Yet every time I pumped up my vanity, my presentations fell flat.  I was so busy protecting my self-created image that my message was lost.  The more I tried to make myself “an expert” the less believable my talks were.  When instead I came to a group with a sense of humility and a desire to honestly connect and help others, my speeches were much more helpful.  Getting my ego and vanity out of the way allowed me to connect to others in a more profound and sincere way.  It allowed me to focus on the truth of my message which in turn let my audience focus on the lessons, not me.  I had thought I needed to be an expert or a persona to be taken seriously so that my message could be heard.  The opposite was true.  The more I focused on the message and the less I focused on validating my ego, the better my message was received.

One of my favorite metaphors about ego involves the ocean.  We can all agree that the ocean is expansive, mighty, and powerful.  The ocean is this way not because it raises itself higher than lakes and tributaries, but all rivers run to the ocean because it is beneath them.  The ocean is powerful because of its humility.  The next time you find yourself focusing on your self, your ego, your vanity, your desire to be recognized, take a step back.  Know that you are loved, complete, and accepted just as you are.  No hype needed.  Find in your humility and self-acceptance a force more powerful than any self-created vanity. 

One of my favorite clients visited me recently.  The sessions are a lot of fun for both of us because we toggle between business planning and personal growth.  What I noticed recently is that my client also toggles his personality depending on which subject we are addressing.  We talk about personal goals and he is calm, content, and focused.  We talk about business and all of a sudden his speech becomes rushed and his demeanor stressed.  Why does he change into a frantic stressed being when we talk about business?

In his personal life, he has been making incredible strides.  He has defined what he desires his home life to be and how to integrate his hobbies and passions into his free time.  Plus he is learning how to turn off the work day so he can have more unencumbered personal time.  He is so much more aware of how his old beliefs were holding him back and has adopted new beliefs bringing peace, calm, and joy.  There is one more belief system we need to address.  We need to examine the belief that work, career, or business ownership needs to be stressful, that deadlines and responsibilities necessarily change individuals into robots.  We need to address the unconscious switch that turns him into a slave of his work instead of being an individual participating in work.

Do you find yourself being one person at work and one person at home?  Do you lose your calm demeanor when a project is brought up?  Do you feel yourself changing your personality, speech, actions, and reactions depending if you are with a friend or a colleague?  Many individuals have a difficult time defining who they are, what their purpose is, and how they want to live.  For some, they are able to define all of these key components to joyful living, but then do the opposite once they enter their place of business.  How can one be single-minded whether they are at rest, play, or work?

Awareness:  One of the first ways to bring the two halves us together is to gain awareness when we are in the workplace.  Do we change?  How do we change?  Does it feel better or worse?  There is no need to take action.  Just gaining awareness that we are different is amazingly powerful.  Until we have visibility, we have no possibility to make changes.

Uncover:  The next step is to uncover the underlying belief making us act differently in the workplace.  Do we think we need to be more cold and calculating?  Do we buy into the myth of no pain no gain?  Do we believe stress is a normal and acceptable part of working?  Then see if you can uncover where this belief came from or why it is significant to you.  Did your father profess that nothing good was every achieved easily?  Do you correlate business success with personal worth therefore making much more at stake than just your quarterly earnings?

Rewrite:  Now it is time to replace that old belief with something which works better for you.  Think of three people you know or know of who are successful in business but don’t spend their days stressed.  Think of those who are successful but still human in the office.  Think of how joyful it could be if you could not only be productive but joyful at work.  What beliefs would you need to have to make these things true to you?

As a recovering Type-A, the idea that work could be productive and fun (or at least not stressful) was beyond my comprehension.  What I know now is that the more I enjoy my day, the more efficient and effective I actually am.  Plus I see my business growing in amazing ways it never did when I tried to force things to happen.  Try rewriting your beliefs as well and see if being single-minded improves your business as well as your personal satisfaction.

Lively

This week one of my clients told me about the new dog she adopted.  I was concerned for a few reasons.  First, finances are tight right now and a dog can cost of family a thousand dollars or more a year.  Plus my client is trying to release stress versus adding more responsibilities to her life.  As her family is more than happy to let her take care of things, I was afraid that she would not receive the support of the entire family to care for their new member.  In talking to her something different was revealed.  Her morning walks with the dog not only help her de-stress but are also improving her health.  Her family is responding positively sharing the care, feeding, and exercise for their new little friend bringing them all together in a way not experienced before.  And most importantly, the burst of unconditional love from their furry little buddy is making huge changes in their joy, happiness, and sense of self love.

Seeing their joy and the amazing change to their interrelationship, I started hitting the dog adoption sites.  It was amazing how just looking at pictures of these cute little doggies opened my heart and brought a smile to my face.  My heart would go out to them as I read the stories about how these little guys landed in shelters.  I would giggle at the names, the crazy looks of mixed breed mutts, and the description of their playfulness.  My husband enjoyed looking at playful Lively the Terrier/Whippet mix and the goofy looking Beagle/Labrador dog mixes.  And he also had his carefully prepared list of the reasons a dog is not a great idea for us right now.  I heard the logic, but also craved the joy these little guys exuded.

Sam

Instead of adopting a dog, I decided to become one.  Why should dogs have the market on unconditional love and joy?  So now when my husband comes home from work or just returns from a different room, I run up to him like a devoted puppy wagging her tail saying, “You’re back, you’re back, so glad you are back.”  It is amazing how it not only brings a smile to his face (probably because he thinks I am crazy) but it also fills me with incredible joy.  Try it yourself.  When you see your family member or friend for the first time, instead of murmuring, “Hey,” between texts or emails, stop, jump up, and greet them with the love you feel for them.  Breaking out of our isolation and greeting others with pure love and joy is amazing for the recipient and the “dog” as well.  If you don’t want to be the dog, treat others like a furry buddy.  When you see a loved one down or stressed, rub their belly or behind their ears and tell them, “Who’s a good boy?  Who’s a good boy?  Yes, you’re a good boy.”  You might feel silly but I bet you’ll get a smile and a chuckle from your tense friend while your own heart warms.

Try bringing unrestrained joy and unconditional doggie love into your own life and relationships.  If you want a little help getting there, check out www.petfinder.com and see if there is a new family member in your future.

There are probably thousands of articles which talk about how to work more efficiently, to keep all departments focused on a singular goal, and to help us stay motivated no matter how daunting the task.  As a Recovering Type-A, I am an expert on to-do lists, working smarter not harder, and keeping things moving no matter the effort or hours needed.  But I am learning about a new tool which can accomplish more than I ever did before and with much less effort.  Adopting this new tool is physically and cognitively easy, but it is quite difficult emotionally and psychologically.  This is because it goes against the normal perception that working hard is the only way to accomplish what we desire.  The mentality of no pain, no gain drives so many to accomplish so much.  But there is an easier, more pleasant, and honestly, a more productive way.  Let’s call it No Pain, All Gain.

photo by Zweettooth

The concept behind No Pain, All Gain is to release every belief which makes us feel constricted and stressed, replacing these harmful thoughts with beliefs which actually make working easier and more successful.

One belief is that you need to do everything yourself.  This belief adds unrealistic responsibility and added stress. There are very few of us who are an expert in everything.  When we try to complete even the tasks to which we do not excel, we tend to make more mistakes and it takes us longer.  We can accomplish so much more if we turn over certain aspects of projects to those who specialize and enjoy those tasks.  Plus we tend to be more productive and creative if we can focus on a singular task versus multitasking.

Another belief is that stress and work-related pressure are just facts of life. The truth is when we are stressed, pressured, or feel the circumstance is do-or-die that we underperform at something which we could otherwise perform perfectly.  When we can take away the perception that pain or hard work is part of the process, we open up our minds and our capabilities.

Yet another belief is that there is never enough time to complete everything we desire.  Truth is we create more time to get things completed when we stop thinking we don’t have enough time.  When we pressure ourselves with deadlines we add stress and as above we make it more difficult to accomplish things.  Setting the thought and intention in the morning that we will have more than enough time to accomplish all we desire opens up and expands time.

As you start your workday, be aware of the stories you are telling yourself.  Do the stories make you stressed, pained, and unproductive?  If so, how can you rewrite your beliefs to give you a No Pain, All Gain day?  Try it and see if your day is not only more enjoyable, but also more productive in ways you never imagined before.

Every day we receive tons of information.  We are inundated with sounds from people, machines and nature, air temperature and the feel of wind on our faces, people and things to look at, the feel of our clothes on our bodies, the smell from lunch or a wet dog not to mention all of the conversations, advertisements and texts coming at us every second.  There is no way we could receive and make sense of all this data.  We would not be able to process and act upon all of this data therefore our brain uses our Reticular Activating System (RAS) to filter the information for us.

image by artM

Our RAS allows us to unconsciously select what we want to see and experience.  It is the reason why my husband sees every 1950’s car on the highway.  They are important to him.  He enjoys seeing them.  Me?  Not so much.  So my RAS filters out these cars.  They don’t exist to me.  I don’t see them at all.  Try this yourself.  Say that something, anything – baseball, model trains, or the color red – is important to you.  Then be aware of what you see and hear.  Are you much more conscious of articles, announcements, and radio programs about baseball even during the off season?  Do you suddenly notice a model train store on your travels to work which you were never aware of before?  Is red showing up stronger than any other color throughout the day?  These are all signs of your RAS working.

The RAS is a wonderful system helping us to receive only urgent and relative information.  However, our RAS can work against us.  If we are in a bad mood, our RAS will select only those things which justify and further our bad feelings.  If we are afraid, the RAS will be put on alert to send us warnings of each and every potential source of fear.  We can experience stress and pain in our lives because our RAS is hypersensitive to information which does not serve us.

However, we can consciously change the wiring of our minds.  We have the power to not only choose how we perceive, act and react but we can also go into our gray matter to delete old programs which do not work for us and wire together new programs which serve us better. By reprogramming our RAS we can consciously choose to experience more joy, peace, and happiness.  Through this reprogramming we can once again have ambition, see the glass as half full, and have the strength to move forward.

Join us to learn how to reprogram your RAS on February 21st.  Learn more here.

Recently I heard about a disturbing conversation.  An MBA graduate shared a question which was presented in his training.  “If you had to decide to increase revenue or save lives, which would you choose?”  The answer seemed pretty clear to me, but the MBA graduate said, “There is no right or wrong answer.”  Really???  Are we educating our business leaders to see no value in human life above profit?  I know that CEO’s are bound to act in the best interests of their stockholders, but are they to do it with no regard to human life?

Thankfully I am also noticing a new trend to replace the greed is good of the 1980’s.  There is a new group of people who see past the illusion of money above all.  Whether they live on an estate which they earned over years of hard work or are still just surviving on minimum wages, there are so many who are now realizing there is more to life than keeping up with the Jones, longing to be a Kardashian, and seeking the almighty dollar.  Success defined solely by one’s bank account is no longer enough.  Yes, we all like to have our needs met and perhaps purchase the new i-Phone, but there is also a new emerging feeling that there is something more to life than just having stuff and receiving income.

image by artM

This new movement is a switch from being self-absorbed focusing solely on our own needs to instead look at how our actions affect others.  It could be that we become aware of how our actions are currently negatively impacting others or it is an awareness of how we can make small changes to our actions to benefit others as well as our self.  Self care is important but our choices and actions no longer stop with us.  Many of us are now beginning to see how we are interconnected.  Our actions affect our families, friends, peers, community, and world as a whole.  There is a new desire to make a difference, to help others, or to support the environment.  Our new dreams could be as grand as recreating the how our food is grown, produced, distributed, and served or it can be as small as being a volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club.  But large or small, the drive to help, aid, and change the world is superseding or at least equal to any desire for wealth.

This change is not only with the individuals I have met who are starting foundations or giving a percentage of profit back to communities, but it is also shown in smaller but still significant ways.  Perhaps it is giving free advice to someone just starting out.  Perhaps it is treating a client as a person and not just an invoice.  Perhaps it is just answering your phone with a smile.  If you are looking to meet others who are ready to redefine business and to learn ways to make a profit without selling your soul, join us for an upcoming Heart Centered Entrepreneur meeting.

Whether you own your own company or you work for someone else, how can you make 2012 more than just about profits?  What are ways you can bring humanity back to the marketplace?

I am sure that you are anticipating my first posting of the new year to be about resolutions or perhaps about 2012 prophecies.  Sorry.  I like to be as genuine as I can which means writing about what I am currently experiencing instead of crafting a contrived post.  So here goes.  Weeks before Christmas my mother went in for routine hernia surgery.  If you know my mother at all, you know that nothing is “routine” with her.  What we thought would be a few days in the hospital became a roller coast couple of weeks.  But it brought to mind a few important keys to living a happy life.

Unexpected

photos by 115wax, stock.xchng

Shit happens.  No matter how much we plan, what we expect, or what we envision, life is going to do what life is going to do.  Think of driving home from work.  You know your route and almost navigate it unconsciously.  As you listen to Lady Gaga, you think about your dinner options.  Then BAM!  Your ears register a sound almost before you realize your body is being thrown again your seatbelt.  You sit there stunned as your senses and your mind try to wrap around what just happened.  If you have ever been in a car accident, you know how surreal an event it is.  All of a sudden your usual daily experience stops, is suspended, seems trivial as you are thrown into a new hyper reality.  It may be easy to see and accept this new reality when you can see the twisted metal of what use to be your car, but other situations may be more difficult to recognize or accept.  Be consciously aware of the truth of what is happening in this current moment.  All too often we miss out on the truth because we are perceiving our experiences based on our expectations.  Take the time to stop and check in with the true reality of the situation.  This way you can decide how to react to what is really going on versus going through the motions of your previously planned actions based on an anticipated scenario.

Switching Gears

In preparing for my mother’s surgery, we discussed having enough food in the house for her return and how we would keep the dog from jumping on her swollen belly.  But when instead we were dealing with the infectious disease doctor all of those initial plans and schemes were useless.  It is times like this we may have trouble shifting gears.  We try holding in to our original projected actions and trying to force them into the new situation.  Sorry, it doesn’t work that way guys.  It is necessary to first let go of the original plans, next accept the new situation, and then evaluate what needs to happen in this new scenario.  And if, unfortunately, the situation has turned to a less desirable one, it may be very difficult to release the old scenario.  We might find ourselves holding on for too long to a better or more desirable circumstance.  But the longer we hold on, the more harm we can cause.  Holding on to what we thought would be only stifles us, keeps us from fixing the current situation, and often times causes problems because we are taking the wrong actions.  Imagine still trying to drive your car home after and accident where your front end is caved in, the car door is in the driver’s seat, and it is missing a tire.  I don’t think you would make it very far.  The game has changed; we need to change with it.

Focusing on the Truth of the Moment

When things shifted for my mother, it was easy for us to take five steps into the future and play the What If game.  What if the infection doesn’t go away?  What if the body rejects the mesh?  What if, what if, what if??  Playing the What If game can be helpful when trying to uncover one’s life purpose.  What if I didn’t have to worry about money?  What would I do?  But when we try to be carnival fortune tellers about the future and live in the what if’s of negativity, it can be harmful.  Do your best to stay focused on the here and now.  Focus on the truth of the circumstances.  Focus on what is happening now and deal with that situation.  Focusing on the future we can’t know keeps us from handling the now we can address.

image by raja4u, stock.xchange

Here is hoping that 2012 is marvelous and wonderful for all of you!  But as it takes shape, morphs, shifts, and progresses, do your best to accept the unexpected, shift gears to address new situations, and stay focused on the now you can fix not the possible future what if’s which may never arise.

Happiness, good health and much success to you in the new year!!

I heard an interesting talk the other day by David Logan the co-author of Tribal Leadership.  Unfortunately I can not share the talk I heard, but here he is on TED.  The big takeaway I had was that the key to developing strong successful businesses was in uncovering shared values and using those values to guide decision making.  Having shared common values unites a group around something bigger than themselves.  These values can be something noble like giving to the poor or they may just be valuing fun and creativity.  The value itself does not matter.  The important point is that there is something larger than the self which is respected, rewarded, and followed by the group.

Personally I saw this in action the other day.  I was asked to speak to a networking group.  However before I gave my speech, the group discussed their desire to create a new name for their gathering.  Instead of giving my talk, the attendees happily accepted my offer to facilitate them in this naming process.  Instead of jumping into the creative process, first I helped them define a mission and vision for the group.  It was incredible to see how the attendees began to align and synthesize as the values of the group came to the surface.  Of course, growing one’s business was a core function of the group but what arose was that the group valued personal relationships.  The desire to connect with other individuals on a personal intimate level was the foundation of this group.  As this value rose to the surface, I could see the group coming together in a way they had not before.

In recent Find and Follow Your Bliss life purpose workshops and my upcoming book Gray Matters, I teach that experiential values are the key to having purpose in one’s life.  The same is true for your business.  Yes, a business is in existence to serve a need and make money.  That is a given.  But what makes an amazing business is when there is an experiential value all of the co-workers share.  The experiential value is true purpose of the business.  It is why the employees get up in the morning and why they give that extra little bit every day.  This value becomes a guiding light for the company’s goals, decision making, and employee and customer relations.  It is the basis of the company’s brand personality.  As businesses are able to center the company culture around an experiential value, they see moral improve and politics diminish.  It is a wonderful productive state.

What are the common values of your business?   What culture are you creating?  How are you helping your employees gather around a singular value?