Through the last few weeks, I have received amazed compliments from friends and family.  “I can’t believe you made it through the eulogy.”  “It is amazing you were able to compartmentalize enough to coach a client the morning of your father’s wake.”  “You are such a positive person. You have an outstanding outlook on life. You jump right back out there and make lemonade!”

Well not really.

I was a babbling, sobbing fool when I gave the eulogy.  Yes, I was able to be present for the clients I coached just before the funeral (or I would not have coached them), but I was pretty useless the week afterward.  Actually I have been beating myself up over the last few weeks.  I have been tired and distracted.  I have not been able to concentrate as clearly as usual.  I can’t believe my lack of motivation and ability.  I just can’t believe that after three years to prepare for his leaving, that the loss of my father is hitting me this hard.

But it is.  And that’s ok.

When someone close to us moves on to what’s next, there is a lot to process.  There can be the shock when it happens suddenly, and even when it is expected.  There are the emotions of not being able to see, chat or be with that person again. There is an adjustment to the new norm including holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries without them.  There can be exhaustion from all the time spent caring for the loved one physically and emotionally.  These are not just emotional or psychological issues, but they affect us physically too.

Although I felt clear and clean mentally, my body was telling me a different story.  A loss is a loss no matter the circumstances, the level of understanding, or one’s positive outlook.  The loss of someone dear to us, is the loss of a part of us.  Yes, psychologically we know that the person will be with us forever in our hearts, minds, and memories.  But the truth is that they are no longer with us physically.  They are no longer here to interact with us.  And this loss can affect our mind, body, and spirit.  However it is not solely a “loss” but is also rebirth into our new life and new environment without them.  For that person was a part of us and it takes time to grow into who we will become without that tangible connection to them.

When you experience loss in your life, give yourself time.  Time to process, time to sleep, time to adapt, time to grieve, time to grow into your own next phase of being.  Wishing you peace, understanding, acceptance, and the power to move forward.

I am thrilled to announce that I am working on a new book as well as new online programs.  It is very exciting to be developing some tools to help others.  I love to write and share, but book publishing is a new endeavor for me.  Plus marketing my own products is always a challenge for me.  As with so many of my clients who are in service professions, it can be difficult to see past oneself and clearly communicate what we have to offer.  So I turned to an expert.

image by clix

The expert and I talked about publishing and then turned the discussion to marketing the book and corresponding training options.  The more we talked about marketing, the more I began feeling uncomfortable.  At first, I didn’t know why because the individual I was speaking to was very nice, knowledgeable, and professional.  But the not so right feeling would not subside.

Later on, it came to me.  What the expert was recommending was traditional direct marketing tactics – the long letter, identifying and solving a problem, a strong call to action.  After 18 years in marketing, I know these tactics well.  They are incredibly effective and for all intensive purposes they are ethical.  But part of me feels they are icky.  Often they play upon people’s fears, present the products as the only solution to their problem, and push people into action through hype.  If you know me personally or have read my blog, I think you understand how these tactics do not reflect who I am.  But as a marketer, I also know how effective these tactics are.  What to do?

So I’d like to pose the question to you.  What do you think of direct marketing techniques?  Do they help you understand and consider products?  Do long letters provide you with the information you need to make a decision?  Do you like the benefits of receiving free-bees in exchange for your email address?  How often do you click on and listen to informational videos?  How do you like to be introduced to new products?  Please share your thoughts here. Your thoughts and opinions will be very helpful to me and other individuals who market themselves online.  Thanks for sharing!

Thanks to your support, last year I placed third in the Best Coaching Blogs competition.  When you have time, check out this year’s competitors and vote for your favorite (one vote per person).

In honor of my father’s passing, this posting is the transcript from his 2009 Advent homily.

There is a new program on television this year called GLEE.  It is written by a couple of Prospect High school graduates and follows the life of a swing chorus.  A lot of the storylines and characters come from actual events at Prospect. A couple of weeks ago, the cast was talking about a homeless man who slept in the Mt. Prospect bus stand or in front of the library.  They called him “Patches”.  If you have lived in Mt. Prospect for any length of time, you would know that he really existed.  It amazed me that the writers would remember him after about 20 years.  He was an insignificant person but a human being created by God for whatever task God had for him.

In today’s Gospel, we have Mary, a relatively insignificant person.  She was a young girl from a small village.  The way she responded to the angel, Gabriel, and even to her cousin, Elizabeth shows us that even Mary considered herself insignificant.  By no means did she suffer from low self-esteem.  She was just simply humble, knowing that she was from a poor family in a poor town.  Mary teaches us a lesson: being from insignificant families in insignificant places does not make us insignificant.  We are reminded that the idea of significance does not come from where you live or who your family is but our significance comes from God.  All human life is significant, the poor, the elderly, widows and orphans, they are all significant in God’s eyes.  Elizabeth, Mary’s cousin made clear that she recognized that Mary, her young cousin was significant even though she came from humble means.  Regardless how insignificant Mary felt she was, the angel Gabriel came to her.  Mary accepted Gabriel’s word even though this was an inconvenience for her, being young and single.  She took a chance on God and agreed to go wherever he led her.  We also know that her yes was not a once and for all event, but would have to be renewed many times for centuries, for all eternity.

The readings this Sunday, especially the Gospel story of Elizabeth and Mary, teach us something of God’s way of working.  It seems that God has a habit, really a constant practice of choosing the weak and making them strong for carrying out His purpose.  Moses tried to hide from his mission because he didn’t feel capable of carrying it out.  Jeremiah cursed and swore at God, demanding to know why someone as inadequate as himself had to deliver such unpopular messages to a hostile people.  When we turn to Mary, we find someone who didn’t have any reluctance in responding to God’s call, but then again, she was just a young peasant girl from a drab town, Nazareth.

God always prefers to make himself known and work through people who lack importance or status according to present day standards.  If you look around, God always chooses people who have qualities of simplicity, and a positive lack of worldly sophistication or grandeur to revel himself to us.  The attitude of all the main people in the story of God coming to earth shows the fact that if we don’t learn that kind of simplicity, we’ll miss the vital message that God is always trying to communicate to us.  In fact, we have to divest ourselves of the desire to be superior or to look down on other people if we want to be sensitive to God’s presence and open to his purpose.  We are also challenged to take a look at our own mission in life.  God created us and put us in this world for a purpose.  We may not be famous and as well known as world leaders or entertainers however God has a design for us.  Each blade of grass, each flower, each grain of sand on the beach has a purpose.  How much more are each one of us who are created in the likeness and image of God?

The difference between Mary and us is not that she was chosen and we are not.  No, it is that we often decide not to take the risk and give ourselves entirely to God.  We choose not to surrender our freedom or our will to him.  But perhaps today we can hear once again that we are highly favored, just like Mary.  God sees us as precious in His sight.  He longs to have a relationship with us that loving and complete.  He wants us to experience joy, if we will but take a chance and say as Mary did, “let it be done to me as you say.”