I went to the dentist this week.  The always friendly dental hygienist asked me how I was.  I said, “Ok.”  She stopped what she was doing and looked very concerned saying, “What’s the matter?  You are always so positive.  What’s wrong?”  Later in the week I went to have my hair cut.  My talented hairdresser told me that she is always excited to see me and hear the word of the day.  “Word of the day?” I asked.  “The word of the day,” she explained, “is how I would answer the question, ‘how are you?’”

photo by omster-com

You see a few years ago I decided to spice up the way I respond to that most common of questions.  I had noticed that we ask the question without thinking, we answer it without thinking, and we don’t usually listen and truly hear to others’ responses.  So I decided not to be boring with a response of “good” or “ok” nor to be negative and send out a laundry list of everything that went bad that day.  Instead I have created a litany of positive responses including but not limited to:  phenomenal, fantastic, sensational, swell, wonderful, incredible, amazing, outstanding, extraordinary, and exceptional.  Making this conscious choice has had some amazing results.

First, it stops the rote routine of asking “how are you?”  Breaking this knee-jerk question and answer sequence helps all involved get out of their trance and get into the moment.  Think of all the tasks you complete on a daily basis without really noticing.  Much of our lives are routine and habitual.  By breaking the normal sequence, it helps us to break these routines and truly be there with each other.

Second, it forces me to live up to the word I used.  I can’t throw out a word like “marvelous” with a pouty face or following it with a story about the earache I have.  I need to appear marvelous.  I need to act and be marvelous.  It is a great way to keep me focused on the positive and loving life.  This tool is especially powerful when I happen to feel a little down.  It gives me that little push to feel better.

Finally, it helps keep others from falling into the negative.  I don’t’ know why, but it is so easy for us to jump onto the negative bandwagon.  If I say something negative, those around me have the tendency to join in and wallow in the blah.  But if I say I am “stupendous” it makes it hard for others to talk about what is bringing them down.  Most times my over-the-top response gives them something to strive for.

So next time someone asks you how you are, how will you respond?

People buy from people; they do not just buy products.  Think about your favorite store.  Do you shop there just because of their inventory, or do you shop there because of the feeling you experience and the customer service you receive?  The same is true for your business.  It is not just about the product or service you are selling, but it is about YOU.

What is Brand You?  Brand You is composed of four (4) parts:  Who, What, How, Why.

Image by Yello_Dog

Who – Who do you serve?  All too often business owners think that their product is right for everyone or that they need to sell to everyone to survive.  The adage is “if you are everything to everyone, you are nothing to nobody.”  By defining and focusing on your true ideal customer, you will save marketing dollars, spend your time where you can gain the biggest benefit, and receive the highest conversion rate.

What – What do you provide?  This is not only the product or service you provide, but more importantly it is the problem you solve or the benefit received.  People do not want to buy an automobile.  What they do want is to safely arrive at work each morning, they want a way to deliver three children and gear to soccer practice on time, or they want the thrill of a high performance experience.  What is the problem you solve?

How – How do you do it?  What is the system, process, or experience you provide?  How you deliver your product or service is unique to you.  Many people may provide the same item but how you personally provide it is a unique differentiator.

Why – Why do you do what you do?  This is an aspect that is often overlooked, but is also most often the reason people will buy from you.  It is your passion.  It is what makes you special and why you are perfect to work with your ideal customer.  What is your mission and reason for providing the work you do?

Take some time to answer the questions above for you and your business.  The answers will lead you to the brand, tagline, look, and feel for your company which will lead to more revenue because you will attract the right people who will understand and be attracted to what you have to offer.  Everyone has a personal brand.  What is yours?

Recently I have been exposed to a few individuals who are all experiencing pain due to the same basic issue: reality vs. interpretation.  The issue appears in different ways but the core problem is similar.  It appears as trying to force reality to fit their perceptions and expectations.  Or it appears as layering so much of their own judgment on situations that the reality of the situation is completely hidden.

This issue can appear and hurt others by placing one’s own expectations on others.  Expectations the other can not only not live up to, but that the other person does not agree with or even recognize.  This appears when we see the world and others through the lens of our own life and goals.  We expect others to have the same goals, values, beliefs, and actions as ourselves.  Every snowflake is different, and so is every person.  Trying to force our own choices on others or worse yet, assuming that everyone should believe what we do, only creates conflict.

The issue can also hurt our self directly.  This occurs when we add the thoughts, fears, and attacks of our “inner critique” onto a situation.  Here we add the baggage of our own negativity making the situation and the pain even worse.  So much of life can be challenging but adding personal attacks or allowing our inner critique to attack and stifle us is worse.

The way to catch interpretation creeping into reality is by being aware of your choice of words.

Here are some hypothetical examples of how this issue can materialize:

Bob is livid with his co-worker Gary.  “Everyone knows that it is important to complete the TPS Reports with a blue pen not a black pen.  Using a blue pen is the proper way to fill out the report.  I can’t believe how stupid and inconsiderate Gary is.  And it is so unfair that he gets away with it.”

Susie has a tendency to focus on the negative.  “You won’t believe what happened yesterday.  Some jerk pulled out in front of me and almost hit me!  I could have been killed!”  But Susie, you weren’t hit, right?  “Yes, but I could have!  I can’t believe what a bad driver he was.  They shouldn’t let idiots like that get a license.”

Matt is trying to buy a new car.  “I don’t know where to start.  I’m just not smart about these things.  I will probably be taken advantage of because I am so dumb.”

Are you guilty of letting your interpretation bring pain to your life?  Your language holds the key to making it better.

Watch for words like “everyone”, “should”, and “have to.”  These words point out the expectations we have for others and for our self.  Most times these expectations are our creation but we take them as law.  When these words pop up, investigate what is reality and what is your preference and belief.

Watch the adjectives you use.  Are you adding derogatory, attacking, or minimizing adjectives to others or yourself?  Take these words out and begin to see the reality of the situation and the person.

Watch for the way you tell the story.  Are you telling a nightmare?  Are you exaggerating or focusing solely on the negativity of the situation?  Try telling the story again with a different focus.  How does your pain decrease when you tell the story factually without adding your perspective on what happened?

Our words are powerful.  Which ones are you choosing?