There is a lot of talk about Work-Life Balance.  Individuals and experts talk about ensuring that work does not consume one’s life and that we take extra effort to ensure that our personal life is given enough time and focus.  But I have come to see that Work-Life Balance is a misconception.

photo by the gnome 54

Trying to balance our work lives and our home lives supposes that these lives are separate and mutually exclusive.  Do we become someone different at work or do our preferences, beliefs, and desires exist at work as well as when we are sitting amongst friends and families at home?  If we are out with friends, are we incapable of recognizing information which could be helpful on the job?  We are one singular being at work and at home.  We are the absolute same person in both situations.  I think we should stop thinking of “balancing” these seeming dichotomies and instead look at “amalgamation.”  To amalgamate is to combine into a unified or integrated whole.  Work and life should not be balanced but united.

Being a life coach, I see so many individuals who are unhappy with their work.  They feel trapped.  They feel stuck.  They feel that their job is sucking the life out of them.  They put up with 40 to 60 hours of work hell for the few meager hours a week where they can live the life they love.  I believe these feelings are due to a perception that they need to become something different at work.  That they need to check their personalities, wants, and needs at the company door.  And this is what many people do.  They are one person at home and then when they enter the workplace they stuff that person into the bottom drawer of their cube with their lunch and their purse until the end of the day.  The key to happiness is not ensuring that we have a few hours a week where we do the things we enjoy, but to begin claiming that same joy wherever we are.

photo by Art M

What if instead of loving the few hours a day away from work when we can enjoy the things that give us pleasure, that we uncover how to have pleasure no matter the circumstance?  What if we rediscovered that we are not imprisoned by our jobs, but that we always have a choice and in that choice there is the power to find joy?  Stand up for yourself right now.  Reclaim your individuality at work.  Find ways to empower and release your true being in every situation.  Stop believing that you need to unplug yourself when you take on the role of worker.  You may be surprised.  By freeing and satisfying your inner needs you will find that you are not just more happy at work but more productive as well.  And you might just find that the people you thought would reject or attack you for being yourself may actually embrace the new you.  Begin today to merge your life with your work.  Find ways to live your passion on and off the job.  Obtain not balance but the merger of your work and life.

Originally posted on www.WomensAlly.com

When I was young, I loved to read the book series called Choose Your Own Adventure®.  There were books about the Wild West, outer space, dragons, or mysteries.  The first few pages gave the premise for the book.  For instance, in The Third Planet from Altair, Captain Bud Stanton, Professor Henry Pickens, and Dr. Nera Vivaldi head toward the third planet from Altair to investigate alien signals being detected from that area.  After a few pages of exposition, the reader is then given a choice:  If you want to land on the planet, go to page 4; If you want to turn back, go to page 10.  After choosing, the story continues for a few pages until another decision page appears.  Sometimes the decisions made will progress the story positively.  But sometimes it would result in a less desirable outcome including death.  The reason I bring this up, is that I caught myself in my own choose your own adventure recently – and I wasn’t making the best choices.

It wasn’t my actions that lead my adventure astray but my words.  The simple question, “what’s new with you?” would be posed.  If I want to say something positive about my business, go to page 4.  If I want to bring up my father’s illness, go to page 6. Then the story would continue.  “My goodness,” my friends would say, “I am so sorry to hear that.”  If I want to say “that’s ok, he’s in good spirits,” go to page 8.  If I want to say, “Us too, we’re really worried,” go to page 10. What I noticed was how my choice at every juncture, lead me closer and closer, and deeper and deeper into negativity until my focus was solely on the bad because the bad news was what I shared.

I also began to notice how others’ reactions tainted how my adventure continued.  If they were supportive and positive, I could rebound into a seeing the current situation as just part of my life therefore choosing the more positive option.  But if they, meaning well, wanted to focus on the negative what if’s, talk details about what could go wrong, and emphasize on how this must be hard for me, then I would delve deeper and deeper into my story of how bad things were.  It is hard to stop that tailspin.  Our culture thrives on negativity, disaster, and fear.  It is much easier to fall into that mantra than one of optimism and hope.

Luckily I finally realized how my choices were leading me down a negative path and just like the Adventure books, I had a chance to start over.  I went back to page one, back to square one, cleaning the slate of old choices and starting anew.  I let go of the tangled, negative story I had created, and started down a new path with a new story of my choosing.  Choosing the positive story built on the positive options which lead to a more positive and stress-free outcome.

So I challenge you today, write your own adventure.  Look at every juncture of your life.  What do you choose to say, do, or believe?  What result occurs because of the choice you made?  Are you creating an adventure that ends in riches and joy?  Or are you leading yourself down the path to defeat and negativity?  What choice will you make?